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My books · Illustrated epistolary novel
Büyüyünce Aç
Bir yetişkinlik ve çocukluk anlatısı (in English: a story of adulthood and childhood)
Do you say of your childhood, "Nothing bad happened"?
In October 2026 an old primary school is demolished. Behind a radiator, the builders find a blue tin box full of letters that nine-year-old Deniz began writing in 1993 to "Büyük Ben", the Grown-up Me. Büyüyünce Aç (Open When You Grow Up) is a short, illustrated novel in letters, written in Turkish.
Büyüyünce araban olursa beni almaya gel.From chapter 1, a letter by nine-year-old Deniz (translated: "When you grow up, if you have a car, come and pick me up.")
Keşke her gün ateşim olsa.
Hemşire "Kimse gelmeyecek mi?" diye sordu. "Gerek yok," dedim. "Hallederim."
The story
At nine, Deniz drew Mum's faces and wrote beneath them in capital letters: GÜLEN. YORGUN. UYUYAN. BAKMAYAN. (smiling, tired, sleeping, not looking). Home from school, the first glance went to the kitchen, to Mum's face, before the shoes came off. With the smiling face, the shoes went flying. With the face that did not look, they were carried by hand to the bedroom, so that no one would hear.
Today Deniz is forty-two and a loss adjuster at an insurance company, introduced by the manager to new staff as 'our most reliable'. Last February Deniz went to the emergency department alone and put down Deniz's own number as next of kin. Then the old schoolteacher posts the tin box, and Deniz writes back to the child. After a while, new letters start to appear in the box, in the same child's handwriting.
This book is for anyone who says of their own childhood: "Nothing bad happened." The weight lies in small, quiet things: being ill without telling anyone, reading the mood of the house at the front door, learning early never to be a bother. The book blames no one.
Themes
- Emotional neglect
- Childhood letters
- The inner child
- Growing up too soon
- Mothers and children
- Learning to ask for help
- Self-compassion
Who is it for?
- Turkish-Dutch and Turkish-European adults who learnt as children never to be a bother
- Second-generation readers who grew up with a parent who was often absent through work, illness or worry
- Partners and friends who read Turkish and want to understand someone they love
- Anyone who reads Turkish and has thought about writing a letter to their younger self
What is inside
Children's letters in handwriting
The letters from 1993-94 appear in a child's handwriting on lined and squared exercise-book paper. A nine-year-old's spelling mistakes are kept, and the language is short and simple.
Drawings and found objects
Mum's four faces, a house with no smoke from its chimney, a page torn from the corner shop's credit book. Everything from the tin is described in brief, matter-of-fact notes; the meaning is left to you.
Replies from today
The letters of Deniz at forty-two: crossed-out words, unfinished sentences, small scenes at work, in the kitchen, in the middle of the night. 66 pages, to read in one sitting or letter by letter.
Author's note
At the end, a short note on a sentence often heard in the consulting room, "My childhood was fine", with a few suggestions for readers who want to write a letter to their own childhood.
A page from the book
The book is told through letters Deniz wrote in pencil in a lined exercise book in 1993. Each letter appears on the page in handwriting (in Turkish).
About the author
Dr. Hüseyin Doğan is a psychologist with more than 19 years of clinical experience. He earned his doctorate in psychological counselling at Gazi University in Ankara and, on a Fulbright grant, worked as a postdoctoral researcher and lecturer at the University of Central Florida. Through ViaNova Praktijk he works online, in Turkish, with Turkish-speaking adults in the Netherlands and across Europe.
Büyüyünce Aç grew out of the quiet childhoods he often hears about in the consulting room. Deniz, the teacher and the mother are invented characters, drawn from many different lives. From his author's note: "Bir çocuğun gördüğünü söylemek, onu büyütenlere vefasızlık değildir." (To say what a child saw is no betrayal of those who raised them.)
Frequently asked questions
What language is the book in?
Turkish only. Büyüyünce Aç is a 66-page e-book on Google Play Books. The sentences are short and simple.
What kind of book is it?
A short, illustrated epistolary novel, told entirely in letters and documents. On one side are the handwritten letters of nine-year-old Deniz, on the other the replies of Deniz as an adult.
Who is it suitable for?
Adult readers. The book is about emotional neglect and the bond with parents; it contains no physical violence or abuse.
Can the book replace therapy?
No. The book itself states that it does not replace individual diagnosis or treatment. If it stirs something in your own life, you do not have to feel 'bad enough' before talking to a psychologist. For an online session in Turkish, you can visit ViaNova Praktijk's appointment page.
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