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Treating the pattern, not the person
Family Therapy: Online Turkish-Language Systemic Work
The core idea of family therapy is simple: the problem usually lies not in one person, but in the recurring pattern between people. The same argument repeating itself with different topics is the clearest sign of this.
In systemic family therapy no 'problem person' is sought; the family's recurring interaction cycles (pursue-withdraw, blame-defend, triangulation) are mapped out and the cycle is addressed together. Sessions take place online and in Turkish; family members can join the same session from different cities or countries.
The systemic view: the 'problem person' fallacy
Families often come to therapy describing one 'problem member': the adolescent who won't go to school, the angry father, the withdrawn mother. The systemic mechanism works differently: every behaviour serves a function within the system and is fed by the reactions of the others. The mother's attempt to draw closer triggers the adolescent's withdrawal, the withdrawal triggers the father's harshness, the harshness triggers the mother's protectiveness, and the cycle closes. Therapy targets not the person but this cycle; that is why no one sits in the 'seat of the guilty'.
Generational and cultural tension in migrant families
Among Turkish families in the Netherlands, the most common theme is the difference in the pace of acculturation: children adapt to the Dutch context faster than their parents; language, values, and expectations of autonomy diverge. The parent reads this as disrespect, the child as pressure, whereas both are two ends of the same structural tension. In therapy this tension is normalised and made negotiable: the question of which values are non-negotiable and which can bend is made concrete together with the family.
Frequently addressed topics
Parent-adolescent conflicts, tension between siblings, the influence of the extended family (in-laws) on the nuclear family, divorce and co-parenting afterwards, blended families, role changes after illness or loss, and boundary issues with the family in Turkey ('they interfere in every decision we make'). For situations where the couple relationship is central, couples therapy is offered separately.
How does an online family session work?
Family members can join from the same screen or from different places: when an adult child is studying in another city or a member is in Turkey, the online format does what face-to-face cannot. Sessions usually last 60-75 minutes; who takes part in which sessions is planned according to the goal (some meetings only with the parents, others with the adolescent). Dr. Doğan is a member of IFTA (International Family Therapy Association) and works from a systemic/EFT foundation.
Frequently asked questions
Does the whole family have to take part?
No. Systemic work can be done even with one person; when one link of the pattern changes, the system changes. Still, the participation of key members speeds up the process.
My partner/father refuses to come, can I still start?
Yes. The aim is not to talk about the absent member, but to change your own moves within the pattern; this often changes the attitude of the others as well.
Do the children take part in the session?
Depending on age and topic: adolescents can take part actively; with young children the work is usually done through the parents. This is decided together during the first assessment.
Do family matters stay confidential?
Yes; professional confidentiality also applies to family sessions. It is clarified from the outset how what is shared in individual pre-sessions will be handled in the joint session.
Clinical and emergency boundary
This page is intended for general information only. No diagnosis is made and no personal treatment advice is given via this website. In case of an acute crisis, risk of self-harm, or a threat to safety, contact 112, your huisarts, or the huisartsenpost in the Netherlands. To talk, the 113 Zelfmoordpreventie helpline (0800-0113) is open day and night.